Until next time…

WASHINGTON—In an alarming development with wide-reaching implications for America’s safety, Department of Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff and CIA Director Michael Hayden issued a joint report Monday warning that the next 9/11 could in fact occur on a different date.

The report, based on intelligence gathered by field-agents, found that a future 9/11 might take place on an entirely new month and day, including 4/24, 6/13, or even 10/12. According to the report, the nation could realistically find itself in the midst of a 5/25 scenario, as well as a potential 3/14 situation in the months to come.

8/28, 6/19, and 11/7 were also cited as possible 9/11s.

“While 9/11 has historically always fallen on 9/11, we as Americans need to be prepared for a wide range of dates,” Chertoff said during a White House press conference. “There’s a chance we could all find ourselves living in a post-6/10 world as early as next July. Unless, that is, we’re already living in a pre-2/14 world.”

“1/1, 1/2, 1/3, 1/4, 1/5,” Chertoff continued for nearly 45 minutes, “12/28, 12/29, 12/30, 12/31—these are all plausible and serious threats.”

An addendum to the report that includes leap years will be released by the end of March.

Though the DHS has identified more than 7,000 sensitive dates spanning the next 20 years, it did manage to rule out 4/15/04 and 10/38 as future 9/11s. The government report also confirmed that the next 9/11 would more than likely not involve an assault on the World Trade Center’s North and South towers as it has in previous attacks.

Furthermore, the 350-page document rejected long-held beliefs that the next 9/11 would commence at 8:46 a.m. on a sunny Tuesday morning. In fact, it warns that a future attack could occur on a cloudy, snowy, or even brisk day, at 8:53 a.m., 10:42 p.m., or any one of the other 1,440 known times.

“We are dealing with agents of terror who are willing to carry out another 9/11 on—if you can imagine it—6/8,” Hayden told reporters. “Indeed a day may come when we as a nation have to live in fear of another 6/8, recount where we were when 6/8 happened, and swear never to forget the events of 6/8.”

“At some point we might even have to come to terms with the harsh lessons of 6/8,” Hayden continued.

Hayden assured citizens, however, that no matter what date the imminent attacks fall on, he has every reason to believe that the next 9/11 will be carried out by militants, radicals, zealots, or extremists, who will stop at nothing, next to nothing, or very little to destroy America.

Hayden also said he was certain that at least one of the world’s 6.7 billion human beings will plot the future 5/24 or 3/17 attacks, and that it will most likely target either the nation’s subways, seaports, landmarks, stadiums, buildings, structures, or other indoor or outdoor areas where large groups of people tend to gather.

“Instead of calling major terrorist attacks on their soil ‘our 9-11,’ other nations may soon refer to their own national disasters as ‘our 11/28,’” Chertoff said. “Which, incidentally, is also my birthday, though I admit that is neither here nor there.”

At the conclusion of the press conference, Chertoff urged Americans not be alarmed by the recent news, and to continue living their lives as they have for the last seven years—with the crippling fear that at any moment they, or someone they love, could die in a fiery inferno.

To see the original article, and to read the onion, click on the link in the first paragraph.

Good night all!

Doubt was probably the best of the three movies today, though today wasn’t quite as good of a movie day as yesterday.  Good Looking made a good point about this movie.  I didn’t notice it until he said it, but it was obvious that the movie had been adapted from a play.  The entire 2 hours took place in only 3 rooms.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that though… I thought Meryl Streep’s performance was amazing, as all of her performances always are.  I believe she is one of the greatest actresses of all time.  I also, as usual, enjoyed Philip Seymour Hoffman, though I felt there wasn’t enough angry, yelling PSH for me.  Overall, a pretty good movie though.  I’ll give it a B+.

Then came one of the worst movies, possibly of all time.  Seven Pounds was simply abysmal.  The movie left the audience in the dark about what was going on throughout the entire reason for absolutely no reason at all and with no information to make an educated guess about what could possibly be going on.  By the time they finally revealed to me what was happening, I simply didn’t care.  Not to mention, Will Smith was making this pouty face the entire movie that made him look like he was constipated the whole time.  This movie, I could have done with out.

Next we saw Valkyrie.  This was another decent movie.  However, it did bother me that Hitler was the only person with a German accent, Tom Cruise was the only person with an American accent, and everyone else spoke with British accents.  That just didn’t work for me.  I did learn from the movie, however, that the final of 15 assassination attempts on Hitler, about which this movie was, occurred on one of the most important days in all of history – July 20, 1944.  Why is that date so important?  Well, it just so happens that my birthday is on July 20.  Also, the first men landed on the moon on the same date in 1969, and my uncle was born on July 20th as well.

On an entirely different note, I meant to mention the other day something that is very disturbing and very sad for me.  You see, a few days ago, Good Looking received a card in the mail.  This card was from one Sharon J.  (At least I think that was her last initial.)  And this person lives in CANADA.  This person decided to send Good Looking 10 Canadian dollars, simply because she passed her math test and was in a good mood.  Now, what bothers me the most about this is that this Sharon person actually got to Good Looking’s blog from MINE!  That’s write, she was looking for Shakespeare, was directed to my blog, and then stumbled upon Good Looking’s.  And somehow HE made money off of it.  I asked for commission, but he said I don’t deserve any.

So now, I’m asking all Canadians, Europeans, Asians, Africans, Antarcticans, Australians, and South Americans (and Americans, of course) to please send any amount of money to the following address:

P.O. Box 661363

Orlando, FL 32816

I’d like to think that I deserve a little something as well.  I don’t care if it’s even a penny.  (Everyone who reads my blog knows that I’m always searching for more pennies.)  I’ll take whatever I can get.  But I need to one-up Good Looking.  So please, if you pass your math test, get a raise at work, or are simply feeling generous, don’t hesitate to be a kind stranger and make my day.  To be quite honest with you, I’d be happier with a simple letter than actual money, but of course I won’t complain either way.  I’ll repay you with daily laughs.

Yes Man! was the first movie we went to see and only because it fit perfectly into our schedule with the other movies.  I didn’t really want to see this movie in the first place because it looked exactly like another Liar, Liar to me, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  It had funny moments, and at the end of it, I wanted to just say yes to everything!  We’ll see how long that lasts.

Then we saw Slumdog Millionaire, which I had heard was really good.  I didn’t know much about it going into it, though, so I was pleasantly surprised.  I’d suggest it.

The third movie of the day, and my personal favorite, was Gran Torino.  We actually saw a trailer for this movie in Slumdog Millionaire, and that trailer was the first time I had heard anything about the movie.  Going into it after seeing the trailer, I wasn’t really that excited.  I didn’t think it would be a movie I would like that much or really get into.  I was incredibly wrong.  Gran Torino was an absolutely amazing movie.  It was very touching and surprisingly funny.  The first half of the movie I thought could have been played by Jack Nicholson.  But then in the second half of the movie, the action picked up and I realized that no one other than Clint Eastwood could play such a badass part.  This one, I definitely reccomend.

But if you feel the need to change you life, go see Yes Man… Actually, on second thought, don’t waste your time.

Thus, once again, I’ll keep it short and sweet.  Today, I bought quite a few movies – 19 in fact.  The Polar Express, The Sound of Music, 2 Marx Brothers Collections and a Frank Capra collection, all totaling 19 movies.  I’m actually very excited about these purchases, especially since I got a good deal on them.  My favorite buy of the day is Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, directed by Frank Capra.  It’s one of the greatest movies of all time in my opinion.  You should check it out.

Tomorrow, Good Looking and I are having a movie day.  We’re going to 5 movies back to back all day long.  It’ll be tiring but exciting.  I’ll let you know how they all are…

The shower streams all pointed in the same direction, and the towels actually dry my body.  You have no idea how excited I was to take a shower tonight!

For one, I thought the special effects were done fantastically.  They were absolutely amazing… but I could still tell they were special effects, and that bothered me.

Secondly, when Cate Blanchett’s character is young, her voice is very strange.  I cannot explain it any further, you’ll simply have to see the movie for yourself to understand what I’m talking about.  But once you do see it, it will bother you too.

And finally, I was extremely bothered by the slowness of the movie.  There were some parts that moved faster and some that were action-packed, but as a whole, the movie moved rather slowly forward (or rather backward) in time.  

Which is why I believe it will win the Academy Award for Best Picture this year.  Last year, No Country for Old Men won.  Now, while that movie was intriguing, beautiful and somewhat strange, it was also incredibly slow-moving.  Benjamin Button seems to fit that ticket exactly.

It is a poignantly sad movie that shows the life of one man, backwards though it may be.  We grow with Benjamin, we live with him, and we love him, making it all the more harder to lose him.

A sad tale.  A beautiful tale.  A curious tale.  I advise you to catch the tale of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Don’t hold it against me though.  I can explain.  You see yesterday was a busy day for me.  First, I had to wake up early to go to church.  Then after church, I went to my grandmother’s house for lunch.  From there, we went to my dad’s parents house so I could tell them goodbye.  Then I was exhausted because I hadn’t slept well the night before, so I took about a two hour nap.  When I woke up, I began packing.

Then Good Looking called and was complaining.  He wanted to go to Barnes and Noble.  And to the movies.  And to Jason’s Deli.  But I still had to pack all of my possessions for the long haul back to college.  Plus, I knew my mom would want me to stay home for my last night before leaving today.

Nevertheless, I went downstairs and explained the situation to my mother.  She told me I could go out with Good Looking and I was excited!  I had been wanting to see Benjamin Button for a while, and when my brother would ask me if I’d seen it yet, he’d always respond to my negative response with, “I’m pretty sure you’re never going to see Benjamin Button.”  So I had to make sure I did.

Little did I know, the movie is three hours long.  So while I was planning to get home around 9:30 or 10:00, my plans were slightly thwarted, pushed back, if you will.  Then, when I finally got home, I spent about an hour packing.  By that time it was past midnight, and I realized it was too late.

So you see, I just didn’t have time!  And then I had to leave at 8:00 this morning for the long 11 hour drive back to UCF, and now here I am!  I think my body is going to collapse soon, but I don’t mind.  I could use a good night’s rest.  So, until tomorrow when I will write my thoughts on the movie…

Good night.

Anyhow, today, we say “farewell” to the oldest known woman in the world.  At 115 years old, Maria de Jesus of Portugal died yesterday.  But wait, isn’t her name backwards?  Shouldn’t it be Jesus of Mary rather than Mary of Jesus.  Ah well…

So Maria apparently outlived 3 of her 6 children.  I actually feel sorry for her on that account.  My grandmother always says that “losing a child is unnatural.”  Losing a parent, on the other hand, is bound to happen one day… unless your parent has some sort of super gene that causes him or her to live past 100 years.  In fact, there are currently 82 women and 9 men in the world verified to be over 110 years old. 

Maria left the world to 3 of her 6 children, 11 grandchildren, 16 great-grandchildren, and so far 5 great-great-grandchildren.  Imagine those family portraits!  Five living together on earth.  Crazy thought.  Crazy reality.  It’s even crazier to think about the fact that she got to live through 3 different centuries.  Born in 1893, she lived through 7 years of the 1800′s, ALL of the 1900′s and 8 years of the 2000′s.  She was born the same year dishwashers were invented and lived through the creations of television, movies, computers, and cellular phones.

Before de Jesus, a woman from Indiana was the oldest person in the world until she died in November.  And now, the title goes to a 114 year old born in Georgia.  Isn’t America supposed to be an unhealthy nation, where everyone is fat and dies young?  I thought all the really old people lived in China.  Oh yeah?  Well, take that world!  America has really old people too!

P.S.  The top of this post says I wrote this on January 4.  However, I am actually in the Central Time Zone, where the time is currently 11:35 PM.  Thus, I have still upheld my New Years Resolution and will write again tomorrow.  Peace.