Colorful Friday

For the first time in our lives, Mother and I went Black Friday shopping today, and boy, was it an experience!  We awoke around 4:15, got up, got dressed and were ready to go within minutes, given that we didn’t much care how we looked so early in the morning.  Our first stop was Walmart, otherwise known as the craziest place on earth.  Throughout our entire Walmart adventure, I was constantly afraid I would lose Mother to the psychos in the crowd.  People were hauling around giant 50″ TV’s and trying to push their way up to the checkout lines as Mother and I made our way through the store.  

When we were finally satisfied with our selections, we were forced to wait in a one-mile long line for about 45 minutes, during which time we met a woman who was overly excited about buying two sets of 500 thread count sheets, one set for her guest bedroom and one set for her sister’s guest bedroom.  During these 45 minutes in line behind this woman, we learned her entire life story, though Mother and I were slightly too sleepy to actually stay interested in any of it.  Yet for some reason, the woman just kept on talking.

 In the line next to us were a couple of pros.  Two older women and a girl about my age were pushing two carts full of the most random stuff ever.  I kept conjuring up images of these women, running through the aisles of Walmart, sweeping any Black Friday item into their carts that they saw, regardless of whether or not they needed them.  So, standing in line, they were going through the items in their carts and deciding whether or not they actually wanted them.  It quickly became apparent that these women were experienced Black Friday shoppers.  The younger girl had grabbed about 20 Wii games, and the women were going through trying to figure out who they could give them to.  After making their decisions and figuring out who in their family does and does not have a Wii, they decided to pass the Wii games to the people behind them in line, and they kept getting passed back until someone finally wanted them.  The oldest woman was also really excited about some very large picture frames she had in her cart because they were only $6.99, though I got the feeling she was getting them only because of their price and not because she actually needed or wanted them.

We had finally made it to being the next person to check out.  We couldn’t wait to get out of there.  Then, all of a sudden, mother saw a Walmart worker eying her and calling us over to her.  We looked back and forth at each other trying to decide whether or not we should trust her.  We ultimately decided to, and it was a good thing!  We were the lucky winners of a quick check out at the Eye Center register.  I must admit though that as she was guiding us over there, I was afraid that she was going to bring us into the Eye Center and say “haha!” and try to sell us some eye glasses instead of helping us out.  Luckily, I was wrong.

Finally, after leaving the craziness of Walmart, Mother and I continued our Black Friday journey to Circuit City, then Best Buy and finally to the mall, where we walked around for a couple more hours.  We went to American Eagle, Brookstone, Apple, Ann Taylor, Build-A-Bear and Dillard’s.  There may have been a few others stores thrown in there, but since I was running on only 2 hours of sleep, I do not remember them.  

However, I am convinced that Dillard’s (who had basically no sales today and was very dissatisfying) was spraying laughing gas throughout their store.  Laughing gas that somehow, only affected me.  You see, this was our second to last stop of the day, just before Brookstone, where we didn’t stay long, and I was starting to become delirious.  So I would randomly burst into fits of hysteria, and for whatever reason, I could not stop laughing.  This lasted about 15 or 30 minutes, and Mother started to get frustrated.  You see, she needed to use the restroom, and the more I laughed, the more she laughed, and the more she needed to use the restroom.  So I forced myself to stop.

We ended up shopping for about 6 straight hours today, stopping only for some coffee and tea, and singing Christmas music merrily and loudly throughout the mall.

Ice Skating in the Summertime

My lovely college decided that it would be profitable to build a $90,000 ice skating rink, right in my back yard.  They call it “Light Up UCF,” and it’s supposed to be some sort of holiday thing with a light show, an ice skating rink, music and holiday movies playing on a big blow up movie screen.

There are multiple problems with this idea:

1. In order for this ice skating rink to even pay itself off, the university would need to get 9,000 people to come and ice skate at $10 a person.  They’d be lucky to get 900 as far as I’m concerned.  Each day I pass by there and there is usually one or two people skating alone.  Granted, the weekends usually attract the little ones, but still, I doubt it will be enough.

2. The music.  Sure, music is fun while you’re ice skating, I get that.  But it’s not fun for the people who live about 10 feet away from this ice skating rink.  Each night, they play the same exact playlist of songs, “Eye of the Tiger,” ” Don’t Stop Believing,” the latest pop song, etc.  And each night, I’m awake until 11:30 PM because I can hear the music as if it were coming from my own iPod speakers.  What’s worse is when I’m attempting to study or read, and I hear the music playing.  I know the words to nearly every one of the songs, so concentrating becomes rather difficult.

3. The light show.  It’s really not a light show at all.  I was expecting some big celebration like in Natchitoches every year with the Festival of Lights.  But instead, they’ve put up some lights on the trees in front of the arena and make them flash.  Oh it’s just so exciting!  (Note the sarcasm)

4. It never gets cold here.  The lowest it’s been thus far is about 50 degrees.  So it’s practically like ice skating in the summer time.  I’m not sure how they keep the ice from melting, but most days on my way home from class, I pass by the “rink” (which is extremely tiny) to find a couple of the workers building snowmen.  When I go to my next class later in the day and pass by once again, I find the snowmen to be a pool of water on the gravel.

I must admit, though, that despite my many objections to this annoying monstrosity that has overtaken my life, I am anxious to have a go at it.  However, I’m afraid I must wait a while before my wish is fulfilled, as Good Looking has left me for a 10 day period, during which I’m doomed to be miserable without him.

Beary Cute

So let me start off by saying (for those of you who care about me) that this weekend was one of the most amazing weekends I’ve had in a long time with the most amazing boyfriend ever.

Today, Good Looking actually came to the mall with me.  He hates malls, but he came anyway.  Sweet, right?  I needed to go to American Eagle to buy a couple of jackets, since the only one I ever really wear is my England jacket (though it is the best jacket in the world).  Also, I have a teddy bear named Parker that I’ve had since about the fourth grade.  I still sleep with him every single night, and I don’t go anywhere without him (traveling, I mean – I go to class and stuff without him).  

So Good Looking started to get jealous that I have a cute little stuffed teddy bear and he doesn’t.  So among other things, getting a teddy bear for Good Looking was one of the main reasons we went to the mall today.  The first store I brought him into was the American Eagle “night wear” store called Aerie.  Essentially, they have bras, underwear, and pajamas.  He was very uncomfortable, so we left quickly.

After stopping in a few other places and buying a few things, we finally made it to the Build-A-Bear factory.  (I liked it better back when it was called Adopt-a-Bear.)  So the first step was to pick out which bear he wanted.  We chose a very cute light-colored one.  I believe the exact color was something like butter-cream.

Next, it was time to stuff the bear.  I, of course, had to pretend the bear was for me, so that Good Looking would not be embarrassed.  So I had to take a little red heart, rub it on my tummy so that the bear would never go hungry, rub it on my nose (I’m not really sure why), kiss it, and make a wish.  Then I put it inside the bear, and she stuffed it with white fluff.

Next, we were supposed to go groom the bear and give it some sort of strange air shower, but we skipped that part.  So we went straight to picking out the bear’s clothes.  Although Good Looking wanted the bear to be a girl, he also wanted the clothes to be ambiguous (because apparently Parker’s blue and green plaid boxers and white shirt are ambiguous as well).  So we picked out a very nice white robe for Good Looking’s bear to wear.

Then we had to go create a “birth certificate” for the bear, which meant we had to come up with a name.  Luckily, Good Looking had already come up with a name he liked while we were sitting down eating our slices of cookie cake.  So we sat down at the computer to type in all the information, so they could ask if I wanted to sign up for their special mail or email services.  No thanks!  But finally we got to the naming the bear part, where I typed in “Kitty.”  Kitty the bear.

We went to the checkout register to buy the bear and pick up the birth certificate, where we were asked if we wanted a house or a bag.  House, of course.  So for the rest of our mall trip, Good Looking had to carry around a Build-A-Bear house with his new robed bear named Kitty. 

When we got home, we introduced Kitty and Parker to each other and they immediately fell madly in love.  They’re currently lying in bed together, wearing their robe and boxers.  Though I can’t be sure how long they’ll keep them on.

Bologna

All of my life, I wanted a small dog that I could hold in my lap and just pet.  Not that I have anything against giant dogs, like my golden retriever Remy, who loves to knock me over.  I’ve just always wanted a little dog, like me.  (The little part, not the dog part.)  

Well, the other night, Good Looking and I were flipping through the channels.  We landed on Animal Planet and ended up watching a one-hour long show called Dogs 101.  We learned the good and the bad about different breeds, such as Newfoundlands, Beagles, and Boxers.  Well this got me thinking about wanting a dog again, even though I know I can’t have one in my apartment.

So I went to a website and took a test so that I could get matched up with my perfect dog breed.  They asked questions like, “Do you have children?” and “Do you enjoy long walks on the beach?”  Or maybe it was just, “Do you like to take walks,” I can’t remember.  But regardless, I answered their five pages of questions, and the breed selector listed five breeds that were best suited to my needs.

I can’t remember the breed names of these first five matches, but I do remember one thing about each of them.  They were all incredibly ugly.  In fact, some of them sort of freaked me out.  So I scrolled down the page a bit to see if it listed any other matches.  Luckily for me, it did.  Match number six was called a Bolognese.  Hmm, this sounds interesting, I thought.  So I clicked it.

And the resulting image was absolutely adorable.  I immediately fell in love with this cute little Bolognese.  So I started to do some research.  I learned that they don’t really shed, they don’t drool, they don’t like to wander.  They’re fairly easy to groom and train.  They enjoy following and pleasing their master.  All in all, I couldn’t find any fault in this breed.

So I wanted to know about the history of this type of dog.  Where did it come from?  Well, it turns out that the dog originated in Italy and is actually named after Bologna (the city not the food).  Perfect, I thought, I’m Italian too.  So why not get an Italian dog?

So I’ve decided that in the future, when I finally am allowed to have a dog, I will get a bolognese.  And I will name it Oscar Mayer.  Because my Bolognese has a first name.  It’s O-S-C-A-R.  My Bolognese has a second name.  It’s M-A-Y-E-R!  :)

Sorry if that jingle gets stuck in your head.  I’ve had it in mine for days.

Boring

Unfortunately, I haven’t found anything interesting to write about these past few days.  I’ve had quite the boring and lazy life.  Mostly, I’ve slept, read, and watched TV and movies.  There’s nothing interesting to write about when that’s all you do.  So, maybe this post won’t be funny, but I don’t want to leave you guys hanging since I did JUST start this thing back up again.

So last night I went to see RocknRolla, directed by Guy Ritchie, who also gave us the greatness that is Snatch.  I really enjoyed it, and thought it was quite entertaining.  I even enjoyed it more than Snatch, though I’m kind of scared to say that on here.  Don’t hate me please!  Anyway, if you enjoyed Snatch, Layer Cake, and those sorts of movies, definitely go check out RocknRolla.

When I mentioned to Good Looking that I couldn’t think of anything to write about, he simply stated that I should write about him.  Well you know what they say… If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.  So I’ll just not write about Good Looking.

Just kidding!  I have plenty of good things to say about him, but they’re all pretty boring.  Wait, actually I just thought of something.  A couple of days ago, Good Looking and his roommate 321-745-7224 helped me rearrange my room, and I must say, they did quite a good job.  I spent some time coming up with the floor plan.  Then I invited the two of them over and directed them on what to do.  The room looks quite nice, “like a nice hotel room,” I’ve been told.  I suppose that’s a good thing, though, since I have a strange obsession with hotels.

In other good news, after weeks of hard work, I finally got approved to switch from the four-year film track to the three-year film track.  Why does this matter, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.  First of all, I’ll be graduating in four years, rather than five, thus saving money!  Secondly, I’ll get to stick with my buddies I’m in classes with right now, who are also on the three-year track.  And most importantly, I will now be in nearly every class with Good Looking.  I’m sure he’ll be sick of me soon, but that’s too bad.

And, now that I’ve bored you to no end, I think I’ll call it a night, and wrap up this post.

Silly Searches

Thanks to the built-in analytics system for WordPress, I have the ability to see how people got to my website.  For example, some people type in the web address, or have it bookmarked.  Some people click the link to my website while another website.  Some people click the tags that are at the end of each post and get to my blog.  And some people are directed to my blog through search engines.  No matter how you get here, I’ll know.  Kind of stalkerish, I know, but very cool nonetheless.

So when I have a sudden spike in my stats, I simply go check to see how people got to my website.  It usually ends up that Good Looking has put a link to my blog in one of his posts.  He usually feels sorry for me since I don’t get as many readers, so he sends them my way.  I must say though, I sometimes feel cheated by this.  But now, it’s his turn.  You should go check out my boyfriend’s blog at http://available-url.blogspot.com.

Now, during my blogging life I’ve had some people type in rather silly things into search engines, leading them to my blog.  Here are a few of my favorites.  You can tell a lot about a person by what they search for in Google.

“night terrors peing”  This poor person obviously has multiple problems.  The first is that they never passed second grade and don’t know how to spell the word “peeing.”  The second, is that even though they are past second grade, they apparently still have nightmares that make them pee in their sleep.

“type of humor ben franklin used where he”  Now of course we cannot see the end of this search term.  Unfortunately WordPress cut it off.  But what I’m understanding from this is that either Yahoo or Google considers me to have the same type of humor as Ben Franklin.  That’s good… right?

“depressed about nothing”  I actually feel sorry for this person.  They’re obviously experiencing some sort of mental depression right now and should probably consult a psychiatrist.  If you’re out there reading this, whoever typed this search query in, please know that we’re here for you and we want you to be happy.

“shark vacuum first 500 callers on tv”  This guy obviously wanted whatever perks come along with being one of the first 500 callers for the shark vacuum infomercial.  I can’t blame him though.  They probably took away one of the “easy payments” and added in a whole other shark vacuum absolutely free!

“hot and steamy poetry”  I have actually had multiple people directed to my blog because of this one.  Perhaps I should start posting some hot and steamy poetry to satisfy them.

“butt massage” and “massage my toosh”  I really like these two.  These people obviously know how wonderful it feels to receive a butt massage as I explained in my previous post Visiting the Therapist. 

However, my personal favorite is simply unexplainable.  I have absolutely no idea what sort of results this person wanted when typing this into the search engine.  And for that matter, I have absolutely no idea what this even means.  And so, with that, I leave you with the final, most insane search term that lead someone to my blog:

“therapist spreading buttocks during mass”

Death of a Nation

So as of approximately 11:00 PM EST last night, Barack Obama was announced as the new United States President Elect.  I’m going to assume that now that the other 95% of the precincts have reported, this result has not changed.  So, what does this mean for America and its citizens?

We are all going to die right?  I mean now that Obama will be our next President, he will ruin this country and somehow end up killing us all.  Because Obama is Hitler.  And he’s also apparently the equivalent of the Venezuelan president who turned the country socialist.  So now, America will become a socialist country, it will self-destruct over time, and everyone will die.

A friend of mine stated that he doesn’t care about anything anymore.  Obama will take all of his money away from him, and then once he is poor, he’ll get lots of free stuff.  But wait a minute, once he has money again, won’t Obama just take it all back?  I’m starting to get confused.

Here’s the way I see it: No one is going to die (except the people who were destined to anyway, like Michael Crichton), our country is NOT going to self destruct, and chances are that we have enough people in place to make sure this country doesn’t become socialist.  Do these Obama haters really believe all of this nonsense that is coming out of their mouths?  Honestly people, let’s be realistic here.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m for Obama, but I’m also not saying that I’m for McCain.  My political views essentially split me right down the middle.  I once took a political test to see where on the scale I fall, and my results were almost exactly 50/50.  In fact, the test informed me that my views are 51% Democrat and 49% Republican.  I’m personally wondering why it didn’t tell me I was more aligned with the Green party because I’ve always been a big fan of Ralph Nader.  But that’s beside the point.

Maybe I’m right in the middle, but at least I’m consistent.  Hey all your Republicans out there – how can you say that it isn’t okay to kill a fetus, but it is okay to kill a fully grown man?  And for all of you Democrats, don’t worry I won’t forget about your messy views.  It’s okay to kill an innocent fetus, but not a guilty grown man, right?  Hmm yes, both of those make perfectly good sense.  Actually, the way I see it, let’s just not kill anyone.  No abortion, no death penalty.  Why isn’t THAT the real Christian belief and for that matter the Republican belief as well since most Christians are Republicans.

None of this political stuff makes sense to me.  I could go on for hours and pages explaining why I believe it’s all bologna (which totally should not be spelled as it is) and why I don’t understand how people can be so fickle in their views, but no one wants to read that.  So I’ll end it right here.

My Poor Toe

So, about 20 or so minutes ago, I accidentally opened a door on my toe, thus ripping the nail off of it almost entirely.  For the first few minutes, I couldn’t look at it, nor did I want anyone else to, and I most certainly did not want to talk about.  But while I lay on Good Looking’s roommate’s bed, clinching his pillows and sheets in my hands, Good Looking and his roommate stood at my foot, debating whether “that red stuff” was blood or old toe nail polish.  I’m sorry, but at that point I did not care!  Anyway, needless to say, I am in much pain right now, and as a major wimp, I feel the need to tell everyone that I am in pain in order to gain as much sympathy as possible.  If it will help me to gain more sympathy, I should also tell you that I’m recovering from a slight illness, some sort of stomach bug.  So please, send me some well wishes.

Now, I suppose I owe everyone an explanation.  And by everyone, I mean the one or two people that still check this thing once a week, month or year.  I know I’ve been slacking on the writing lately, but I promise I have a good reason.  You see, my ratings went down.  Each day, I gauge my ratings by the number of people that visit my blog.  Luckily, WordPress has this cool little tool that tells me how many people visit my blog each day.  Well, my numbers kept dwindling, and Good Looking’s numbers kept going up.  He would check his blog multiple times a day and inform me that “so far, 57 people have checked it.”  As exciting as that is, it also sort of bummed me out.

Okay, it really bummed me out.  Enough so that I quit writing for a while.  To learn that your competition gets a steady 50 viewers a day when you get a stead 6-8 viewers on a GOOD day is slightly disheartening.  But, if it will make you feel any better, I can also give some excuse like the fact that I’ve been incredibly busy.  You see I’ve been trying out this thing called “college.”  I’m trying to see if I like it.  So far it’s been pretty crazy and sometimes difficult usually with a lot of work, but I think it’s the thing for me.  So that’s been occupying my time.  And as a part of this “college” thing, I’ve been having to work on student film sets that usually last… well pretty much all day long.  So that leaves almost no time for writing.  I mean — absolutely no time for writing.  I didn’t have any time at all!

But, the good news is that I’m back.  Or at least I think that’s good news.  I don’t know, you tell me.  Would you like me to keep writing, or just quit forever?  I’ll assume that no comments means quit forever.  Now, should I get at least one comment (it can’t be from Good Looking) telling me that I should continue writing, I must inform you of this: I cannot promise that I will write every day, or even every week.  But I will most certainly do my best to keep up with it!