I Bought One

I gave in and bought a Magic Bullet.  Alright, I guess I didn’t really give in since I was actually planning to buy one.

Good Looking and I went to Walmart a couple of days ago.  He wanted straws, and I wanted a Magic Bullet.  Luckily, I had a $30 gift card to Walmart, so I essentially walked away with a $50 appliance for only $20!  The whole way home, I couldn’t stop talking about The Magic Bullet, The Magic Bullet, The Magic Bullet.  You can imagine my excited (especially because I just repeated “The Magic Bullet” so many times).

While we were walking into the Tower (our apartment building), I was proudly holding my new Magic Bullet in my hands, reading the outside of the box.  I began repeating to Good Looking all the things that I could make for him with my new “toy.”

I can make a chicken salad sandwich for you!  Cool.

Do you like raspberry sorbet?  Sure.

Oh, I can make cheesecake!  And Already Ready Alfredo Sauce for some pasta.  And some tomato sauce for spaghetti.  Sounds good.

What about chocolate moose?  Do you like chocolate moose?  YES!

I got the idea that he was kind of getting annoyed with me by this point, so I quit asking which foods he did and did not like and which foods I could make for him.  While at Walmart, I also grabbed a couple ingredients to make my first dessert with my new Magic Bullet – cheesecake!

It was actually very simple.  I put 8 oz of cream cheese, half a cup of sugar, a teaspoon of vanilla, and two eggs into the TALL CUP and use the CROSS BLADE to mix these ingredients together.  Then, when they were smoothly mixed, I poured them into a pre-made graham cracker crust, courtesy of Keebler, and baked it in the oven at 350 for 25 minutes.  Chill in the fridge and voila!  And to top it all off, it was actually very yummy!

Needless to say, Good Looking doesn’t mind when I talk about my Magic Bullet anymore.  :-)

Change is Good.

I was getting tired of the old theme, and I believe that change is good.  I like to mix things up in my life every once in a while, so I thought a new theme would be a nice change.

Let me know what you think.  Stick with this, or go back to the old one?

Sleep Talking

Last night, Good Looking and I went to two movies because we acquired free tickets.  We saw Traitor at 10:00 PM and Righteous Kill at 12:15 AM.  Neither of the movies were good enough to actually review in this post, so I’ll skip to the point.

We got home pretty late, around 3:00 AM I would guess.  Then we talked for a bit and separated around 3:30 to finally go to sleep.  I reminded Good Looking that we had lunch with my cousins today at 1:00 PM, so he had to be awake by 12:00 at the latest.  He informed me that he would be waking up early anyway, so it wouldn’t matter.

Well I woke up around 12:00, certain that Good Looking was already up.  A few minutes later I went over to his apartment and was let in by one of his roommates.  I went over to Good Looking’s room and opened the door.  It was pitch black and he was still in bed.  So I shook him a bit to wake him up, and he said to me, “I really like your soccer fields.”

Now, the first time he said this, it came out as a mumble, so I really didn’t understand any of it.  I asked him to repeat what he said and again, it was, “I really like your soccer fields.”  I thought this was rather strange, so I gave him a few moments to wake up a bit.  Then I asked if he realized what he had said to me.  He said, “Sure.  I said I really like your soccer fields.”  Then, a few seconds later he proclaimed that that actually doesn’t make any sense!

When discussing this story over lunch, I was informed that Good Looking was once awakened by a couple of friends who once lived on our floor.  He woke up asking where the fridges were.  He just absolutely had to find those fridges!

Then I related a story of my own.  When I was very young, my family once took a trip to Mississippi to watch some Ole Miss baseball.  I was sleeping in the same bed as my slightly older female cousin, and my brother and our slightly older male cousin were sleeping in the other bed in the hotel room.  Apparently, in the middle of the night, I started repeated, “Salt, coke, meat patty,” over and over again.  I was informed of this in the morning when I woke up.

In my dream, I was in my school cafeteria standing in the lunch line.  I was asking for salt, coke and a meat patty for lunch.  Sounds pretty gross, but in my dream, it sounded like the most amazing meal ever.  And I clearly really wanted it because I repeated it over and over again.

It’s funny how things always make so much sense in your dreams, but when you think about them after, you realize they actually don’t make any sense at all.

All for just 3 easy payments!

You know what I’m talking about don’t you?  Infomercials!  After watching the amateur show on the Food Network, the only thing on television worth watching was infomercials.  The first one I turned to was for the Bowflex, but I’ve seen that one enough times, so I thought I’d go for something new.

I changed the channel and discovered the Monster 1200!  Boy, was it fascinating.

All you do is pour this EPA approved solution into the bottom of the product and steam away.  This steam is apparently so powerful that it can loosen any grime.  The only problem I had with it was that it seemed to me that instead of actually cleaning things, it just pushed the mess around.  But, hey if you’re a procrastinator, then you can just use the Monster 1200 to push the grime and mess around for a while before actually cleaning.

During the infomercial, this guy would walk around a this woman’s house (which was definitely actually the woman’s real house) and just spray this steam on anything and everything.  The woman was constantly behind him picking up rags that just happened to be lying around the house so that she could actually clean up the stuff he was spraying around.  And I’m certain that these cloths and rags were not placed before the infomercial.  I mean who doesn’t have random rags lying around in every room of the house?

My favorite part of the infomercial, though, was when they were in the kitchen.  They were standing behind the counter of an island, and the guy had the Monster in his hand.  Then, all of a sudden, he pulled out a large block of ice from underneath the counter.  Where he got that from, I may never know.  But it somehow simply appeared.  Then, he took the Monster and created holes in the ice using the Monster 1200 as if this were some amazing feat.  

“And in case cleaning your house isn’t enough, look at what else the Monster 1200 can do!  You know when you have giant blocks of ice lying around under the counter and you just have that urge to poke holes into the middle of it?  Well now, the Monster 1200 can help you do that as well!”

After watching the Monster 1200, I turned to some Shark vacuum commercial but was immediately bored.  So I continued flipping through the channels until I found my all-time favorite infomercial – The Magic Bullet.  I’ve seen that infomercial so many times, but it never gets old.

“And watch in just one–two–three seconds, and now look at this amazing, garden fresh, homemade salsa we have here.”

I absolutely love the Magic Bullet, and am actually thinking of going to Target to buy one for my dorm room.  I mean who doesn’t want to make fresh creamy alfredo sauce in just 10 seconds?!  I think my favorite thing about all infomercials though is the payments.

“And you can get these two special paper clips for just 7 easy payments of $21.79.  But wait, that’s not all!  The first 500 callers will receive two extra paper clips for the same price!  AND if you call within the next 10 seconds, we’ll also throw in our brand new, specially made eraser!  This eraser, never before seen, can erase anything you can think of – even your past!  And, you can get it thrown in with your four special paper clips for the same 7 easy payments of $21.79!”

And to think that people actually fall for these things!

Night Terrors

Last night, around 4 AM (which was actually early this morning I guess), I woke up with the eminent need to run to the bathroom and puke my guts up.  But, as many of you know, I have an actual phobia of throwing up, and my body goes into a twitchy state to prevent me from actually doing so.  So I called upon Good Looking in the middle of the night [morning] to comfort me, and he kindly did so like the amazing boyfriend that he is.

Well after taking some Pepto Bismol and calming my nerves, I decided to turn on the television to distract my thoughts.  At approximately 4:30 in the morning, I didn’t have many options: infomercial, infomercial, or Food Network, which for whatever reason did not have an infomercial on at the time.

So I decided on the Food Network with some woman I had never before seen on said channel.  Though I was watching the show with nearly no sound so as not to keep Good Looking awake, I could immediately tell that the entire show was amateur.  When I first saw this woman, the show had just come back from commercial and she pulled one of those, “Oh!  Hi!  Good to have you back!” lines, while stirring her pre-cooked food that was probably prepared by someone else.

I watched her chop some bell peppers, put them in the frying pan, stir them once, then move on the the food processor to begin another part of the meal.  After finishing processing a nasty green sauce, she returned o the frying pan to find her bell peppers magically finished on their own.  So, the message I received was, “Don’t worry all you hard-working moms.  You can certainly prepare my meals after a long day’s work because these meals actually cook themselves!”

Aside from the extremely fake emotions provided by the “cook,” there were more issues I had with this show.  The camera man [woman] zoomed in as much as possible for every shot.  ”Let’s make sure we can only see that peeled potato being chopped in the shot, and nothing else.”  And as if zooming in way too much weren’t already enough, the camera man would continue slowly zooming in on each close-up of the food as if striving for some sort of dramatic effect – on food!

To top it all off, at what I perceived to be 5:00 in the morning, a message came on the screen at the end of the show saying “Good night, from the Food Network.”  Wait a second, I thought it was the morning!  Shouldn’t they be saying “Good morning, from the Food Network” and move back to actual cooking shows rather than moving from cooking shows to infomercials?

Oh well.  After that, I watched a few different infomercials until I finally fell asleep around 6:30 in the morning, only to wake up an hour and a half later for class.  I’ll write more about those tomorrow.

The Secret of Life

I know that this post has been much anticipated by many of you, and so I finally bring to you The Secret of Life.  What is the secret of life?  Well, there are two important parts to the real secret:

1. Never tell anyone everything you know.

Okay, well that’s part of the secret.  The other part can be found in a book aptly entitled The Secret.  So what are you doing still on my blog?  Go read the book.

WAIT!  I’M KIDDING!  STAY HERE.  Actually, don’t ever leave this website.  No, wait, I take that back.  You are allowed to leave this website (after finishing this post and all others you haven’t read) only if you come back and only if it is to go tell other people about this blog.  I mean, everyone needs to know the Secret of Life, right?

Alright, alright, I know you’re waiting anxiously to find out what the secret is.  Well, what if I don’t know the secret?  What if I’m just fooling you and continuing to type whatever comes to my mind in order to keep you here at the Much to Say about Nothing blog? 

Why would you think something like that?  You’re wrong!  I really do know the Secret of Life.  But before I tell you what it is, you must promise me a couple of things:

1. You must continue reading this blog for as long as you live.
2. You must tell everyone you know about this blog.
3. You must comment more often.

So, do we have an agreement?  I’m trusting you on this…

Now, the moment you’ve been waiting for… The Secret of Life… is that… there is no secret.  Again, I’m kidding.  In all seriousness, there appears to be some sort of force out there in the vastness of the universe that gives us what we want.

What?  That’s crazy, right?  Wrong!  Some people call it God.  Some people call it The Secret.  Some call it luck.  But whatever it is, it’s out there and it gives me a good parking spot everywhere I go.  No joke.  Mother can attest to this phenomenon because it happens to her too.  So what is it?  Is God on our side?  Or do we just simply understand how to employ the universe to work specifically for us?

I don’t know the answer to those questions.  All I know is that if I think that I want something, and keep telling myself that I actually have, somehow I get it.  Sometimes it comes in the form of a really good parking spot, and sometimes it comes in the form of Good Looking.  But it usually comes to me, whatever it is.

Now, I know you’re thinking this is crazy and can’t possibly be real or possible.  I assure you, it is.  And I advise you to start asking “the universe” for things that you want.  It may not happen immediately — it took me a while to start getting those parking spaces — but if you figure out how to make it happen for yourself, you’ll find that little things suddenly start going your way.  Divine intervention?  Luck?  The Secret?  Who knows…

For Real?

I often have trouble distinguishing between my dreams and reality.  Sometimes my dreams just seem so real or are so plausible that I confuse them with real life.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said, “Remember when…” only to find out that the instance I was mentioning was actually only a dream.

For example, last night in my dream, I had the opportunity to buy a puppy.  I was very excited about it because I thought that Mother was actually going to let me get one.  And they were sooo cute.  But then I found out that the particular puppy I wanted costed $65,000.  It could happen, right?

And then, in another dream I had last night, somehow my actual dog Remy got stolen by a random guy who lives near the beach.  We tracked this guy down though, so don’t worry.  And he promised to give Remy back to us on one condition: we also had to take a free wave-runner from him.  Now, this may seem like a really good deal, but there was one issue.  You see, I didn’t want my father to know that Remy had been stolen, and if we somehow acquired a free wave-runner, he would know that something was going on.  Of course, we could always say that we bought the wave-runner, but apparently my mom had told me I wasn’t allowed to buy one.  So this brought about a dilemma.  But a real, and plausible dilemma, right?

Now here is the doozy dream.  The most plausible in my opinion.  And the most real, as a result.

A couple of months ago, Good Looking and I got into a car wreck.  That part of the story is real.  The people that we got into a car wreck with were actually just a really nice lady and a teenage girl who appeared to be her daughter.  

However, in my dream, somehow the people we got into a wreck with were actually terrorists.  These terrorists were very angry that Good Looking ran into the back of them, and they decided that they were going to hunt down and kill Good Looking.

So in order to protect him, the CIA decided that they would put him into the witness protection program.  A couple of days after the wreck, I attempted to call Good Looking, but he would not answer his phone.  So after a few hours I tried his house phone.  The automated woman’s voice informed me that the phone line had been disconnected.  I thought this was strange and couldn’t figure out what was going on.

Not long after, my mom went outside to get the mail.  When she came back inside, she handed me two letters, neither of which had postage on them.  I opened up the first.  It was from a CIA agent, explaining the events to me and informing me that Good Looking had to be placed in the witness protection program and given a new identity.  I would never be able to contact him again.

The second letter was from Good Looking.  He told me how sorry he was, how much he loved me and would miss me, and that he would never forget me.  He said he hoped that things could change and we could somehow be together again.

Now, I’m not actually sure how I read these letters through all of the tears.  I stood in my kitchen crying, harder than I’ve ever cried before, while my mother, my father, my brother, and my sister-in-law watched me, not knowing what to do.

This dream is totally plausible, right?  It could really happen, couldn’t it?  No?  Well, when I woke up, I was actually crying.  I don’t think I’ll ever confuse that dream with real life though.  

Come on, you know you want one.

The other day, I was surfing the internet and came across a new product — new to me anyway.  This product is called Sedansa.

What is Sedansa, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.  Essentially, it is a fake cigarette that looks real.  See below.

Everyone knows smoking is cool.  But everyone also knows smoking is bad for you.  So now there is a way to be cool and smoke without killing your lungs.  You see, what happens is you suck on this fake, real-looking cigarette and all you get is nicotine, no tar or anything harmful.  Then, this nicotine vaporizes in you mouth, and you blow out the vapor.  So you can trick people into think you’re really smoking.

The other good thing is that you can get one of these with the cartridges for less than a pack of cigarettes, and it will last longer than a pack of cigarettes.  And you can smoke different flavors, such as tobacco, Mborro (wonder what that one is), or vanilla.

So if you’re looking to be cooler by smoking but don’t want all the bad side effects, go for Sedansa.  Or, if you’re currently smoking, but know that you need to STOP (by the way, that’s referring to EVERYONE who smokes), then go for Sedansa.

Come on, you know you want one.

Bear Hunt

Each night, I sleep with a teddy bear named Parker that I created at what was once called the Adopt-A-Bear factory many years ago.  (It is now the Build-A-Bear Workshop.)  Now, I know you may be thinking that it’s slightly childish to still sleep with a teddy bear, but let me assure it is not.  You see, after sleeping with him for so many years, cuddled up in my arms, I feel like something is missing when I don’t sleep while cuddling at least something.  When necessary, I can substitute an appropriate sized pillow or something similar.  Occasionally, I even wake up after a nap to find that I’ve been cuddling the remote control.

This past weekend, I stayed in the guest bedroom of Good Looking’s grandparents house while we were there for a visit.  Good Looking slept on the pull-out couch in his grandfather’s study.  Now, in this guest bedroom that I temporarily inhabited, Good Looking’s grandmother has placed many cute teddy bears on both of the twin beds.  I moved them all to the bed in which I did not sleep and kept my bed open for just me and Parker.

On the night of August 31^st, around 11:40 PM I was preparing to finally sleep.  But I noticed something was missing — Parker!  I thought perhaps he had fallen off the bed.  So I peered over the side, but I found no Parker.  Maybe he’s on the other side of the room, I thought.  So I got out of bed and walked over there, but still I found no Parker.  Is he with the other teddy bears?  I moved each of the other teddy bears around to see if they were hiding Parker, but still he was not there.  Then, a thought came to me.  Surely Good Looking didn’t take him.

I walked down the hall to the study, which Good Looking occupied.  The two sliding doors had a crack between them just large enough for me to slide my nose through.  So peered into the darkness, my nose in between the doors, and whispered, “Psssst.  Are you awake?”

“Yes,” was the reply I heard.  So I opened the doors a bit wider so I could squeeze through.

“Good Looking… did you take Parker?”

Silence.

“Good Looookiiiing…?”

Still, silence.  So I repeated his name once more and made my way onto the bed.  He still would not say a word.  I gave him a big bear hug (pun intended, of course) and felt something fuzzy in between his arms.  I was in shock!  Good Looking once thought it was fun to steal Parker from me and hide him, but I thought he was past those days.  Alas, he apparently still thought this childish game of stealing my teddy bear was funny.

But then, in a sweet, demure voice, I heard, “I was going to bring him to you in…” Good Looking paused to check the time on his phone, “17 minutes as a five month-iversary present.”

Now tell me that’s not the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard.  I do believe I’m the luckiest girl alive.